I hate lazy dressing. I mean, sure it’s easy to put on black leggings, fake Uggs and a stained Jack Wills hoody every day…but where is the joy?

My life is a glorious carousel of sartorial hits and misses, all pulled together with a defiant smile and at least one accessory too many. I’m sure those Jack Wills girls look back at me and think ‘what the funk is she wearing?’

Because I’ll readily admit that I don’t always play a blinder (not in a good way anyhow), but at least I TRY. I make an EFFORT. We of a certain awkward class struggle with the concept of ‘making an effort’. It’s no longer seen as a good thing, which is underlined by the sheer number of young girls I see with that scrunched up hair thing, and dirty white tennis shoes. Someone needs to give them a good talking to. And a hair brush.

There’s just such delight to be found in lipstick and gloves and pearls and hair bows. I don’t want to live in a world of – shudder – VINTAGE devotees, I’m just calling for a bit of aesthetic decorum.

Wash your face, brush your hair, put on something without holes in it. The travesty is; these are the so called ‘preppy’ girls of Haslemere and Godalming and Guildford. They have no excuse for dressing like a clone army of tramps. Or is a Superdry checked shirt even more expensive than I’d supposed?

Oh no, give me an over dressed hooker over the average middle class 16 year old any day. At least Katie Price makes an effort.