Oh no, I’ve become a water evangelist.

It turns out I’ve been so chronically dehydrated, probably since I was WEANED in all honesty, that beginning to drink the bare minimum at 35 has actually changed my life.

I’m very competitive with myself and a lot of my life revolves around trying to improve on my bad habits and failings.

Last year, I conquered nail-biting and now have the most outlandish claws you’ve ever seen. This was a life-long habit that I really thought would never go away, but I finally did it.

This year I started taking iron tablets again consistently. I’ve been anaemic since I was a kid but reeeeeeeally resented taking yet another tablet. Back at it, sticking with it.

This last month, I thought it was time to face the final boss. The big one. Drinking liquids.

Now, I don’t even drink alcohol these days. I don’t drink things for pleasure at all. The concept of thirst was basically alien to me. I can set off on a 10k run without drinking anything, then get home and continue with my life sans hydration. I know that’s not normal or OK, and it’s definitely not because I don’t need to drink water.

But if you don’t have or recognise (more likely) thirst, you can live your whole life in a sub-optimum state without even truly understanding the point of hydration. Interoception is our recognition of signals from the body, like thirst or hunger, and neurodivergent people often have issues with that.

I had a really great coaching session a couple of weeks ago, where we were discussing creating systems without fixating on the ‘usual’ way of doing things. It made me understand that I could treat hydration in the same way I treat taking my meds: it’s annoying and not exactly pleasant, but it’s got to be done. Chuck it down your throat and move on. My mum does this, so it shouldn’t be a revelation, but I cannot explain to you how little someone else’s method will work for me until I come to it naturally.

As a crazy person, I have to find the incremental improvements. Managing my diet, my sleep, my activity levels – these add up to provide a bit of necessary balance for the bad stuff.

But, as I am now discovering, adequate hydration after being dehydrated for literally my whole life is not a small win. It’s been nearly three weeks of drinking at least 1,700mls (the recommendation for my height, weight and activity level) but an average of 2,000. Absolute game-changer.

Here’s what I know:

1. It’s super annoying having to pee. I’m used to never needing to use public toilets, so on the rare days I do need to leave my house, I can’t promise I’ll meet my hydration goal. I did it last weekend but only by downing three pints at bed time, which was AWFUL. I also wear complicated clothes so it’s just ugh.
2. I’m…clear-headed?! I feel more rested and alert, more cheerful and better primed for action than usual.
3. I’m very proud of myself, because I ditched the neurotypical idea of how to drink water and developed a system that works for me. I don’t have to enjoy drinking water. I just have to do it.
4. I’m also proud because, like with nail-biting, I really really REALLY thought I’d never crack this one. The more things you conquer, the more you believe you can. And I’ve failed so many times but I try again.
5. My skin is worse – which seems unfair – perhaps because I can only drink half apple juice, half fizzy water. But is that true? Probably not; I just need to find the right sugar free squash to wean myself off the juice. I also worry about my teeth, so I’ve been doing an elaborate dance of meals and teeth cleaning that isn’t very sustainable.
6. What I’m doing isn’t optimal. It’s better for you to sip water throughout the day. But it’s OK that I’m not hitting optimum right now, or even ever. I’m making a MASSIVE improvement in a way that feels manageable after a very long time of living nowhere near a minimum level of acceptability.
7. I weigh more, which is a bit uncomfortable for me as I still have a less healthy relationship with my body than I’d like. Maybe my next habit to bust will be weighing myself. In the meantime, I need to accept that a) a hydrated body is obviously going to weigh more and b) I’ve at least doubled the calories I’m intaking from juice.
8. I am VERY motivated by data. If I wasn’t tracking this in my Fitbit app, I would have failed already. I also woke up to one of my baseline vitals out of normal range this morning: my blood oxygen saturation was at 99%, the highest it’s ever been. Properly hydrated blood is the right level of viscosity, so it carries oxygen around your body much better. Hence, less brain fog and so on. It’s really gratifying to see proof of what I’m achieving.
9. Now I AM managing to hydrate, I’m reading about hydration with a very different level of comprehension and acceptance. Obviously, I’ve always been told hydration is vital for brain function, skin, recovery blah blah blah. But when you absolutely cannot engage with it yourself, you let it wash over you. It’s why you can’t reason an addict into changing – they have to come to it themselves. So now I’m finding things out that I instinctively ignored before.
10. I seem to have taught myself thirst or how to listen to thirst. Drinking more has made it easier to…drink more. I’ve exceeded my target on most days – yesterday by nearly a litre. I’m still drinking at the times I’m used to drinking (like taking my tablets) but I’m also downing a pint three times a day. I wonder if it’s just that I’m getting past my physical dislike of drinking by forcing myself to do it with such regularity.
11. The best vessel for me is a plastic cocktail shaker with measurements on the side. Whatever works.
12. After I’d completed two whole weeks of hydration, I ran 11k. That’s the furthest I’ve ever run. I didn’t have a headache at the end and my breathing definitely hit a good, relaxed level. That’ll be the oxygen again. I was really, really hoping that I’d see results in my running, so obviously I was motivated but it for sure helped me hit a decent stride rather than struggling through every minute and stopping at 5k.

I’m not fixed

Downing a pint makes me feel sick. It’s horrible. I’m not going to turn into a water guru and carry a Stanley everywhere.

But I am now marvelling at the state in which I’ve existed for decades. The harm I’ve done, the perks I’ve missed. I hope I’m in time to enjoy all the benefits.