Why I Love Ebay More Than My Boyfriend

Ebay. God, I love Ebay. Land of forgotten treasures. I could trawl through its glorious pages for hours, suddenly discovering items that I didn’t even know I’d been longing for, but now JUST MUST HAVE. Sometimes, just sometimes, ebay is like a magical world where your all secret hopes have gone to roost.

Point in case: when I was 18 and in big love for the first time with a highly unsuitable and rather camp boy, I saw some boots on a very grown up trip to London with said boy. Not just any boots: Irregular Choice lizard skin capital B Boots in tasteful panels of red, blue, silver AND gold. God I wanted them. But I worked in Next for five hours on a Sunday, I certainly couldn’t buy Boots.

For years after, I periodically scoured ebay for said mystical Boots, to no avail. Then one day, I was sitting in my desolate university bedroom (wishing I was dead probably – I wasted a lot of time doing that and drinking vodka) when I thought ‘hey I’ll give those boots a go, maybe looking at loads of things I want but can’t afford will cheer me up’. And there, lo and behold, were the Boots. Shining and smiling and calling to me. Good Lord no, of course I couldn’t afford them. They were nearly £50 for goodness’ sake. I still have the diary wherein I wrote ‘Don’t know what to do. Feel myself sliding towards making an expensive mistake. But if I don’t have those Boots I may as well die. Whereas if I don’t eat for two weeks I will be skinny and have beautiful Boots’. That’s what they did to me.

So I borrowed £20 off my favourite bouncer in town and then didn’t eat for the rest of the auction. And by gum I won them. Funny that, no one else seemed too bothered about them…but they made me happy. In fact they make everyone happy except Boyfriend, who loathes them. They have been variously referred to as ‘Power Ranger Boots’, ‘Christmas Elf Boots’, ‘Parrot Boots’, ‘Circus Boots’ and ‘The ugliest damn things I’ve ever seen’. Which I’d say is a fair revue.

All I know is; wherever I wear them, and I mean WHEREVER, people stop me in the street to talk about my Boots. Old ladies smile at me, young fashionistas glare enviously. One man even said to me ‘Those Boots have made my day’. There’s not many shoes that can do that. And that’s why I love ebay.

Parrot Boots – Largely Unavailable I'm Afraid. I Know, Tragic

2 responses to “Why I Love Ebay More Than My Boyfriend”

  1. I think the time is fast approaching to risk wearing them again… I’ve been feeling it for a while. Let’s hope he doesn’t divorce me for it. Christmas Elf here I come!

  2. Haha… I like them. I think ‘Christmas elf boots’ works. Lol

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