Two Things I Found Out Aren’t Real and Then Found Out Are Real

Two things have come to light in recent weeks, both of which I believed for a large portion of my life to be false, having had my youthful beliefs obliterated by the inevitable crush of growing up.

Two things that have – against all these odds – turned out to be true.

Venus fly traps

Based largely on a diet of Goosebumps books and Jumanji, I believed Venus fly traps to be deadly. Like, they would take off and slowly digest your finger. My brother got a ‘grow your own Venus fly trap’ for Christmas one year and not only did it not snap at you; it didn’t even fucking GROW. I decided firmly that Venus fly traps were either a lie or only had snapping capabilities in very hot countries, where they grew to the size of toddlers and ate tigers.

Fast forward about 15 years and I notice a Venus fly trap sat on the wall outside my house. Still don’t know why: it’s a mystery. Anyway, one day I look it full in the face and decide I’m in a frivolous mood so why not. I pick up a small piece of the moss that birds love to dig out of my gutters and carefully drop it into a mouth. Nothing. As expected. But I feel the urge to just SEE. So I nudge the moss with the very tip of my little finger, so it falls into the centre of the mouth. AND OH MY GOD.

It closes over the moss, teeth locked together. I actually laughed out loud with delighted surprise and I can still feel some of that joy dancing in my heart.

Sticking teeth back in with milk

This is a conviction I held when I was very young. And in all the years since, I told myself that the belief was based on the phrase ‘milk teeth’. Then Phil watched a documentary and swore to me that if you’re quick, you can keep teeth in a glass of milk and hot-foot it to the dentist, where you will be orally reunited with your chew tools. I have since followed this claim up with some gruelling internet research and it’s only bloody TRUE.

So this cast-aside belief turned out to be very close to some advanced dentistry knowledge, after all those years of thinking myself an idiot. I would love to know where I picked it up because I’m pretty sure my mother told me it was categorically NOT true.


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