1. I can roll perfect cigarettes. Backwards. She’s spent HOURS trying to get the hang of it and failed.
2. I have more pairs of shoes than she could feasibly count without an hour to spare, a ladder and some kind of spreadsheet.
3. I don’t live with my parents. In fact I live with a BOY. And he’s a DRUMMER. IN THAT BAND SHE LIKES.
4. I earn rather a lot more than £6 an hour, which is essentially the pinnacle of financial splendour to her.
5. I have tattoos and piercings. She’s a bit confused as to why I don’t have more because Mam says she can destroy her body however she pleases as soon as she’s left home.
6. I can go clubbing without worrying about not getting in. The fact that I’ve been clubbing on average 0.4 times a year since I was 18 is most frustrating to her though.
7. I have a ‘skin care regime’. Admittedly this only started a week ago and until recently I passed out in my make-up most nights – but still. 14-year-old me does question the necessity of this change though. She’s going to have no-maintenance porcelain skin forever, right?
8. I have great hair now. It may be damaged beyond belief compared to her adorable shiny locks but it’s the long trashy mess she always wanted.
9. I have enough money to suddenly decide I want to fly to Paris this weekend. I won’t, but she’s pretty excited that I COULD.
10. I get paid to write words. That’s the one she just can’t quite believe.